Today I Find My Rabbit Hole

Without opening her eyes just yet she took a moment to feel the warming of the sun on her skin, her knees, she noticed were oddly warmer than the rest of her body and seemed to be radiating heat. Shifting her hands slightly, the cool silky blades of grass soothingly tickled between her fingers. It was a peculiar day. She could feel it in her core. But the sun, the grass, the soft summer breeze…she was even convinced that butterflies were fluttering not too far above her overflowing golden locks. Almost as if she were part of a stereotypical photo on an album cover promoting some form of flower power, guitar pluckin’, smooth rhyming style of music in a decade where the world was made in Polaroid.

It was not unusual for her to wake up and not know where she was. Today felt different. She felt for a moment that if she did not open her eyes today, the world she compulsively recreated behind her lids would finally become real.

Why can’t I be Alice, she thought dreamily, I want rabbits to follow down holes, dragons, quests, talking oddities, I want a bubble gum houses and bright pink hair that glows in the dark. The more her dreams became extravagantly impossible the more reality dawned on her and with her eyebrows frowning her brain began to pound softly.

Oh well, she thought, let’s get on with today then shall we?

The thick black mascara clung onto her eyelashes as she attempted to pull her eyes open. Blinking painfully she looked over her hands before digging her nails into the nook of her eyes and poking the sleep out. Looking around she was relieved to see her handbag not too far although its contents seemed a bit scattered. Pulling a band off around her wrist she grabbed a hold of her matted hair and wincing slightly she managed to slick it all straight back in a semi neat bob. She tatted the top of her head and winced again.

Did someone hit me? Nah, probably fell.

She slowly moved her neck from left to right and pulled the contents of her bag slowly towards her, found her left shoe and finally stood up lifting her arms above her in one final stretch upwards. Placing her hands on her hips she looked around and sat back down again. It was truly a picturesque morning. The water of the lake was so clear it was indistinguishable from the sky. Boats softly rocked from side to side and the lump of ground she awoke on was possibly once part of a feeble attempt to create a grassy beach area for the edge of the boardwalk. Maybe so families could come down, have a picnic and dip their feet. The stone wall behind her was only a few feet high and in some sense explained her tender head. She probably had attempted a climb over and fallen. Who could tell at this point, actually who even cared?

Pulling out a cleaner, tighter, cleavage-popping top from her bag she automatically proceeded to put it on but, pausing for a brief moment, decided against it and along with the grass and what looked like blood, or could be wine stained top she was wearing she pushed them both to the bottom of her bag and threw it to the side. She knelt down to the edge of the bank and plunged her hands into the cold water throwing it over her face and freezing her tears as they tried to escape, letting the water run down her chest and drip onto her white lace skirt. Looking at the water she finally understood why today was so peculiar. She smiled and fell back on the grass smiling into the sun, closing her eyes again.

Lying motionless for a moment she listened to lapping of the water against the grassy bank. Opening her eyes and rolling onto her knees she crawled to the edge of the bank, her face inches away from the surface. Looking at her reflection she frowned not recognizing the bruised, confused and makeup-smudged face that stared back. I look like a cheap horror show, she giggled, and in an effortless push forward she let the cold water of the lake gulp her in, and as she gently sank she closed her eyes.

Today, she thought smiling, today I find my rabbit hole.