Saturday, 20 August 2011

Incase you didn't know me

In the cold month of December long long ago, before wifi and swine flu, a baby girl was born.
Whilst her parents corrupted her with education, vegetables and rock’n’roll music, her older siblings, on the other hand, convinced her that meat tasted like bubble gum, ‘because I’m older than you’ is the ultimate answer to everything, yetis do exist, and that you always blame the brother or sister that isn’t present.

All that growing up resulted in her being fairly tall. She can pass through most doorways, has 10 fingers and 10 toes, eats good food, listens to music very loud and constantly watches cartoons. She also has the ability to juggle, make cupcakes, drink tea and brushes her teeth after every meal... and the doc said that’s perfectly human.
Who woulda thunk?

Currently an apprentice in the land of the Scots she conjures journalistic voodoo and invokes the dark spirits of english literature, it's a practical combo that enables her to both write, read and read what she writes whilst being accused every so often of being a witch. (NB: this last point is completely unrelated with her rats nest of a hairdo). Previous to University she was held captive in the land of France where she was sold as a slave to the French education system. A deranged breed of aliens tried to brainwash her with mathematical theories, philosophical problematics and the chemical periodic table. They made her run and play organized sports as an excuse for exercise and controlled her innocence.

After years of constructive guerilla action and kamikaze planning she outsmarted the enemy by passing the final treacherous exam and was then able to escape the evil clutches of high school. Needless to say she craftily acquired vital financial information from her elders, changed her underpants and hijacked the next rocket ship leaving France.

Ultimately, you may have gathered that she is no fire breathing mutant zombie from a planet beyond the moon, preying on defenseless humans waiting for just the right moment to take over the world.

That would be far too much fun.

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